motivation

some people got it, some people don't.. I'm one of those people who got it (sometimes..)

I'll be motivated to wash the dishes when there aren't any clean cups or spoons, ill be motivated do the laundry when all the baskets are full, ill be motivated to wash my car when there's bird shit EVERYWHERE..




OK so that's not really motivation is it? so this rant is basically me trying to figure out why i can do somethings & am freaked out to do other things.. these other things are about me going back to school..


so the deal is i was in uni completing a degree in design.. got married & thought i could continue it but got pregnant & had my baby (and then got pregnant again & had that baby) and now 4 years later i have 2 daughters & no babies so I'm thinking of going back to school to do something.. but what??


I like design I'm just not good at it. i am an appreciator. i love good design & i appreciate & respect those who can create good design. i also like art, but id rather study & analyse it, than paint a picture. So i also love languages & different cultures. if i had my way id be fluent in about 5 languages. i love reading & writing but again id rather read an awesome story than write one myself.. so this leaves me where...


at a recent hang out/gathering my friends were trying to help me figure out what to do, everyone was so supportive of me going back but I'm so clueless on what to do. I'm torn between just finishing my degree in 18 months and being done with it.. or finding what i love to do and studying that.. but in the back of my mind I'm always thinking two things



1) do i have the time/organisation skills/ dedication to go back to school full time with a family to take care of?


2) what degree can i do that will allow me to get a job once i graduate?




the someone said something brilliant, "I'm just doing my degree because i like it"


that sounds lovely but i guess having a family puts my way of thinking in a different place. if i get a job i have to think of one that is flexible & doesn't require too much of my time out of work. My mum came up with the suggestion of being a teacher and right now i see where she's coming from. there's currently a shortage of teachers so that's a plus however teachers aren't amongst the best paid people out there and my husband wants to be a teacher too. so i wonder if financially that would be okay for the family.




one thing i do know is that as a mother i am here to set the best example for my children and i know that takes a lot of hard work & dedication & yes... motivation too




as if these girls aren't motivation enough..

I saw this on Ohmakemeup and I'm a secret/subtle narcissist.. (i think most people are.. in some form) so i thought i would see what i could come up with

A - Amina & Ayisha are my daughters names & i think if i have anymore kids they'll probably have A names too.. i dunno where my love for A names came from but i just love them!

B - blueberries are my new found addiction, i eat them everyday, I'm constantly going out to buy more and i hope all those anti-oxidants work!

C - cleaning is something i hate to do but seem to spend a lot of my time doing it..

D - dogs freak me out! big ones, little ones... i don't hate them I'm just scared of them and choose to stay away
from them as much as possible

E - eggs, i love eating eggs fried, scrambled, poached, boiled.. i once at 4 in one meal.. is that bad for you??

F - funky, back in high school, that was how my friends described me.. i don't know why but I'll take it!

G - green is one of my favourite colour yet it is one of the colours that just doesn't look good on me & to think my primary & high school uniform were both primarily green

H - hair, I've been battling with my hair my whole life, when i was young i used to think if i brushed my hair enough it would go straight & of course it just got fuzzier, fluffier and worse! I'm 23 and only now am i starting to learn to live with and love my curls

I - Indonesia, my home land, i miss it so, i wish i could go back more often & i really wish as a country they would step up & make it as wonderful as it can be

J - Japanese, i was pretty good at it in high school, i could read it, speak it, understand it and now i have slowly lost it.. konichiwa!

K - kid cudi! gah i am obsessed with this man, love his new album, his style.. just his whole vibe!

L - little, I'm 5" (150cms) exactly.. i always knew i was little but i didn't really how little i was till i had kids & everyone would say "wow your kids are so small and tiny, just like their mummy.." sorry kids!

M - mother, people don't love their mothers enough, i love mine to the fullest and I'm telling you, that's still not enough, right from carrying a life around for 9 months, to birth, to ALL the things that a mother does for her child/ren, there is no way to repay that.

N - nail polish.. I'm 23 and i still am HOPELESS at putting nail polish on myself & other people.. i used to paint & i studied art in high school yet nail polish is still such a challenge for me... my technique is to get it everywhere and scratch off the excess when its dry

O - oranges, due to an incident with orange juice being squirted in my eye by accident in pre-school i have HATED oranges ever since.. i still do and i think i always will

P - painting, i miss it, I'm poor at it, but i love it!

Q - quick, i like to do most things quickly like cleaning, cooking, reading, etc.. i just feel like i have so much to do in a day and that's the only way I'm going to get it all done!

R - reading, Ive always been a book worm, i would choose books over TV hands down, my parents bought be toys sometimes but ALWAYS were happy to buy me books.. my kids love reading too and i think if you love reading that just makes school that bit easier on you.

S - SARAH, my initials are SSS which makes S the best letter ever, Ive always felt special for that

T - tacos, my mum is an AMAZING cook and there is not one meal that i can make that is equal or better then hers, except tacos! my tacos taste exactly the same as hers, and i think that's just because we use to same taco kits from the supermarket

U - ugg boots, i think they re so ugly and i don't care if they're so comfortable, and i don't care if they came from Australia, they're ugly and you should NEVER wear them out of the house!

V - vegetables, i love them, my favourites are mushrooms, broccoli, spinach, corn, potatoes, snow peas, cucumbers, zucchinis, snake beans.. that's all i can think of right now, i have considered becoming a vegan on so many occasions but i love steak!!

W - water, drinking more then 3 glasses a day of plain water makes me feel sick, Ive been trying to get my 6-8 glasses a day but i cant do more then 4 without feeling so gross!

X - x-ray.. Ive stubbed both my pinkie toes on different occasion and thought nothing of it then a long time later my doctor noticed how my pinkie toes were kind of larger then usual so he got them x-rayed and they're both broken! they don't hurt but they aren't that cute either oh well!

Y - young, i wish i could be this for a while longer, I'm scared of turning 25.. cant imagine what its going to be like when i turn 30

Z - Zhane, a female duo who had a song "Hey Mr DJ" which i loved back in the 90s when it came out and i still love it to this day!!

Dilemma

OK so I love mothering but I've ALWAYS wanted to go back to school/uni to show my girls that ANYTHING is possible.. even a mother of 2 getting a uni degree, its like a walk in the park! The only issue being my parents are going to back the motherland (Indonesia) in March next year and aren't pressuring me to come but my grandmothers are always reminding me how much they miss my babies.. so I'm torn between giving my daughters time with their great grandmothers while they still can and keeping a promise to myself..

i never got to meet any great grandparents, my brother did.. has photos to prove it and everything. I'm all about giving my kids what i didn't have so, I'm going back with my parents for 5 weeks and hopefully when i get back I'll get accepted in mid-year applications..

Its just amazing the way that only a mother would have to think things through and get things done.. such as:

"I'll only put $15 in my tank for the week so I can buy credit for my husband and he'll have cash for his weekly indoor soccer match with his boys so he doesn't have to go to an ATM.."

"I'll finish the dishes, then change her nappy, then take the trash out.. don't forget to put a load in the washing machine!"

"I wont go to meet up with my girlfriends because the house is a mess, i don't want to use up my petrol & it feels like i haven't really spent time with the husband.."

.. i once cleaned the shower, while i was showering and i read a book to my daughter at the same time...

Some people say I'm too dedicated to my kids & my husband.. i would have to say that's just how i was raised, with the best parents setting the best example for me. everyone says it but my mother really is the best mother & wife. my dad too of course, they both did everything and anything for me and my brother.. every single choice my parents have made in her lives has been for the benefit of the family, down to the jobs they have worked at for the last 20+ years, the way they spend money, the way they spend Saturday mornings..

i am ever so grateful to my parents

for never fighting in front of me and my brother

for taking me to religious school EVERY Saturday morning even though i really didn't want to go

for showing me how adults interact & behave with dignity & respect

to show me how a man and wife love beyond hugs & kisses

for teaching me how to drive in the rain

for teaching me how far i can stretch $20

for teaching me that volume doesn't mean anything & substance means everything

for showing me that there is nothing better than hard work

for always listening

for recognising my need to be independent and do things my way

for picking me up from ANYWHERE at all hours of the night

for loving me through all my mistakes due to rather poor judgement

for knowing somethings up even when i try my hardest to pretend its all good

for never letting me down EVER

its almost an impossible mould to fill but I'm trying my best.. all a kid ever wants is to make their parents proud.