motivation

some people got it, some people don't.. I'm one of those people who got it (sometimes..)

I'll be motivated to wash the dishes when there aren't any clean cups or spoons, ill be motivated do the laundry when all the baskets are full, ill be motivated to wash my car when there's bird shit EVERYWHERE..




OK so that's not really motivation is it? so this rant is basically me trying to figure out why i can do somethings & am freaked out to do other things.. these other things are about me going back to school..


so the deal is i was in uni completing a degree in design.. got married & thought i could continue it but got pregnant & had my baby (and then got pregnant again & had that baby) and now 4 years later i have 2 daughters & no babies so I'm thinking of going back to school to do something.. but what??


I like design I'm just not good at it. i am an appreciator. i love good design & i appreciate & respect those who can create good design. i also like art, but id rather study & analyse it, than paint a picture. So i also love languages & different cultures. if i had my way id be fluent in about 5 languages. i love reading & writing but again id rather read an awesome story than write one myself.. so this leaves me where...


at a recent hang out/gathering my friends were trying to help me figure out what to do, everyone was so supportive of me going back but I'm so clueless on what to do. I'm torn between just finishing my degree in 18 months and being done with it.. or finding what i love to do and studying that.. but in the back of my mind I'm always thinking two things



1) do i have the time/organisation skills/ dedication to go back to school full time with a family to take care of?


2) what degree can i do that will allow me to get a job once i graduate?




the someone said something brilliant, "I'm just doing my degree because i like it"


that sounds lovely but i guess having a family puts my way of thinking in a different place. if i get a job i have to think of one that is flexible & doesn't require too much of my time out of work. My mum came up with the suggestion of being a teacher and right now i see where she's coming from. there's currently a shortage of teachers so that's a plus however teachers aren't amongst the best paid people out there and my husband wants to be a teacher too. so i wonder if financially that would be okay for the family.




one thing i do know is that as a mother i am here to set the best example for my children and i know that takes a lot of hard work & dedication & yes... motivation too




as if these girls aren't motivation enough..

I saw this on Ohmakemeup and I'm a secret/subtle narcissist.. (i think most people are.. in some form) so i thought i would see what i could come up with

A - Amina & Ayisha are my daughters names & i think if i have anymore kids they'll probably have A names too.. i dunno where my love for A names came from but i just love them!

B - blueberries are my new found addiction, i eat them everyday, I'm constantly going out to buy more and i hope all those anti-oxidants work!

C - cleaning is something i hate to do but seem to spend a lot of my time doing it..

D - dogs freak me out! big ones, little ones... i don't hate them I'm just scared of them and choose to stay away
from them as much as possible

E - eggs, i love eating eggs fried, scrambled, poached, boiled.. i once at 4 in one meal.. is that bad for you??

F - funky, back in high school, that was how my friends described me.. i don't know why but I'll take it!

G - green is one of my favourite colour yet it is one of the colours that just doesn't look good on me & to think my primary & high school uniform were both primarily green

H - hair, I've been battling with my hair my whole life, when i was young i used to think if i brushed my hair enough it would go straight & of course it just got fuzzier, fluffier and worse! I'm 23 and only now am i starting to learn to live with and love my curls

I - Indonesia, my home land, i miss it so, i wish i could go back more often & i really wish as a country they would step up & make it as wonderful as it can be

J - Japanese, i was pretty good at it in high school, i could read it, speak it, understand it and now i have slowly lost it.. konichiwa!

K - kid cudi! gah i am obsessed with this man, love his new album, his style.. just his whole vibe!

L - little, I'm 5" (150cms) exactly.. i always knew i was little but i didn't really how little i was till i had kids & everyone would say "wow your kids are so small and tiny, just like their mummy.." sorry kids!

M - mother, people don't love their mothers enough, i love mine to the fullest and I'm telling you, that's still not enough, right from carrying a life around for 9 months, to birth, to ALL the things that a mother does for her child/ren, there is no way to repay that.

N - nail polish.. I'm 23 and i still am HOPELESS at putting nail polish on myself & other people.. i used to paint & i studied art in high school yet nail polish is still such a challenge for me... my technique is to get it everywhere and scratch off the excess when its dry

O - oranges, due to an incident with orange juice being squirted in my eye by accident in pre-school i have HATED oranges ever since.. i still do and i think i always will

P - painting, i miss it, I'm poor at it, but i love it!

Q - quick, i like to do most things quickly like cleaning, cooking, reading, etc.. i just feel like i have so much to do in a day and that's the only way I'm going to get it all done!

R - reading, Ive always been a book worm, i would choose books over TV hands down, my parents bought be toys sometimes but ALWAYS were happy to buy me books.. my kids love reading too and i think if you love reading that just makes school that bit easier on you.

S - SARAH, my initials are SSS which makes S the best letter ever, Ive always felt special for that

T - tacos, my mum is an AMAZING cook and there is not one meal that i can make that is equal or better then hers, except tacos! my tacos taste exactly the same as hers, and i think that's just because we use to same taco kits from the supermarket

U - ugg boots, i think they re so ugly and i don't care if they're so comfortable, and i don't care if they came from Australia, they're ugly and you should NEVER wear them out of the house!

V - vegetables, i love them, my favourites are mushrooms, broccoli, spinach, corn, potatoes, snow peas, cucumbers, zucchinis, snake beans.. that's all i can think of right now, i have considered becoming a vegan on so many occasions but i love steak!!

W - water, drinking more then 3 glasses a day of plain water makes me feel sick, Ive been trying to get my 6-8 glasses a day but i cant do more then 4 without feeling so gross!

X - x-ray.. Ive stubbed both my pinkie toes on different occasion and thought nothing of it then a long time later my doctor noticed how my pinkie toes were kind of larger then usual so he got them x-rayed and they're both broken! they don't hurt but they aren't that cute either oh well!

Y - young, i wish i could be this for a while longer, I'm scared of turning 25.. cant imagine what its going to be like when i turn 30

Z - Zhane, a female duo who had a song "Hey Mr DJ" which i loved back in the 90s when it came out and i still love it to this day!!

Dilemma

OK so I love mothering but I've ALWAYS wanted to go back to school/uni to show my girls that ANYTHING is possible.. even a mother of 2 getting a uni degree, its like a walk in the park! The only issue being my parents are going to back the motherland (Indonesia) in March next year and aren't pressuring me to come but my grandmothers are always reminding me how much they miss my babies.. so I'm torn between giving my daughters time with their great grandmothers while they still can and keeping a promise to myself..

i never got to meet any great grandparents, my brother did.. has photos to prove it and everything. I'm all about giving my kids what i didn't have so, I'm going back with my parents for 5 weeks and hopefully when i get back I'll get accepted in mid-year applications..

Its just amazing the way that only a mother would have to think things through and get things done.. such as:

"I'll only put $15 in my tank for the week so I can buy credit for my husband and he'll have cash for his weekly indoor soccer match with his boys so he doesn't have to go to an ATM.."

"I'll finish the dishes, then change her nappy, then take the trash out.. don't forget to put a load in the washing machine!"

"I wont go to meet up with my girlfriends because the house is a mess, i don't want to use up my petrol & it feels like i haven't really spent time with the husband.."

.. i once cleaned the shower, while i was showering and i read a book to my daughter at the same time...

Some people say I'm too dedicated to my kids & my husband.. i would have to say that's just how i was raised, with the best parents setting the best example for me. everyone says it but my mother really is the best mother & wife. my dad too of course, they both did everything and anything for me and my brother.. every single choice my parents have made in her lives has been for the benefit of the family, down to the jobs they have worked at for the last 20+ years, the way they spend money, the way they spend Saturday mornings..

i am ever so grateful to my parents

for never fighting in front of me and my brother

for taking me to religious school EVERY Saturday morning even though i really didn't want to go

for showing me how adults interact & behave with dignity & respect

to show me how a man and wife love beyond hugs & kisses

for teaching me how to drive in the rain

for teaching me how far i can stretch $20

for teaching me that volume doesn't mean anything & substance means everything

for showing me that there is nothing better than hard work

for always listening

for recognising my need to be independent and do things my way

for picking me up from ANYWHERE at all hours of the night

for loving me through all my mistakes due to rather poor judgement

for knowing somethings up even when i try my hardest to pretend its all good

for never letting me down EVER

its almost an impossible mould to fill but I'm trying my best.. all a kid ever wants is to make their parents proud.

tonight i was..

eating : 2 minute noodles.. isnt it weird how you slave over a hot stove to create a nutricious yet delicious meal for your family when all you really want to eat is 2 minute noodles..

reading : The Shipping News - E. Annie Proulox.. i have a feeling one of my English teachers back in high school suggested i read this book & 6+ years later I am and liking it so far but im half way and still waiting for the story to start.. i wonder what the "E" stands for and how you would pronounce that last name... i'm gonna google that..

talking to : my brother on the phone.. he has officially been overseas for a year and i miss him! Our relationship is so normal to us.. i dont think we've EVER said that we love each other but he's my bro of course i do.. we'll talk about getting high, getting drunk, his travelling adventures, hot chics, my kids, our parents but we just never talk about our problems for more then a few moments.. maybe thats our way of letting each of us deal with our issues ourselves & become better people because of it.. he's apparently an awesome cook and i am not so maybe i'll be schooled in the culinary department when he gets back

mothering : my 2 children/angels fell asleep right on cue.. exactly what i need on a saturday night home alone after a full day of hard work.. im talking toilet scrubbing, vacuuming, 4 loads of dirty laundry, 2 baskets of clean clothes to put away, dishes stacked up high & a family to take care of..

listening to : some new tunes... nothing like fresh melodies for the ears..

Consequence feat Kanye West & John Legend - Whatever You Want (John Legend makes anything fire...)

Drake - The Fear (..now you finally got a moment to yourself girl...)

Letoya Luckett feat Ludacris - Regret (Letoya = underated.. Ludacris = Always great..)

Melanie Fiona - It Kills Me (gotta love a woman with REAL talent..)

Kid Cudi - Pursuit of Happiness (this man can do no wrong...)

Amerie feat Trey Songz - Pretty Brown Eyes (awesome colab.. of course!)

thinking : of painting my nails bright blue..

loving : my life.. as sappy as that sounds I'm trying to focus on the positives after my husband nicely alerted me to my pessimistic tendencies.. no money in my wallet but i have a roof over my head, food in my belly, clothes on my back, my health, my family & god... dont really need much else

WAIT! one thing i think everyone needs is a photo of a 2 year & 8 months old girl picking her nose..

can mums wear sneakers?

I LOVE SNEAKERS.. i always have always will.. i remember being a little girl & being a hater because my older brother got to wear Reebok Pumps & Air Jordans and i had to wear jelly sandals & patent buckle shoes.. i remember getting my first pair of black converse all stars in year 6 and i didnt wear them out but i slept in them for a week..

so now that im 23 and a mother of 2.. am i meant to really put my sneakers away and put on some ballet flats? I've always looked young for my age.. even now i still get mistaken for a 16-19 year old and im not complaining but i kind of am.. i guess im torn between looking my age and looking like a mother. i'll admit to getting funny looks because it looks like im 16 and have 2 kids which means i popped out my first child when i was 12?? so for the sake of avoiding the stares ive put my ballet flats in front of my sneakers in my shoe space for easier access.. but i just feel like a faker! i want to wear my sneakers! my sneakers consist of enough chuck taylors to last me a while, all white hi air force 1s, patent pink & red low AF1S & some retro design nike Air jordans & i'd love to buy more.. my fave sneakers would have to be my white hi-top chucks & my jordans..

and then i come across websites like this...

http://femalesneakerfiend.com/

and admire these ladies for being able to rock sneakers, look awesome & age appropriate..

oh well... im staying home in my socks today anyways..

...it has been a WHILE

major guilt about not blogging, the main reason being that I have no idea what to blog about.. but i do love reading other peoples blogs as they just seem way more interesting.. i'll admit, the life of a stay at home mother isnt THAT interesting in my opinion, but i do think it is the MOST important job in the world ever! and the most challenging and difficult.. but it has its fun moments and its obvious perks..

i'll be an optimist and talk about the great things about being a stay at home mum..

KIDS - spending time with my kids is the best. Seeing them grow up is amazing. The other day my eldest daughter told me "Mummy, I talk differently now because im older." and i thought, well, yes, she does doesnt she??? and she's only 4.. my youngest daughter is slowly showing signs of being ready to start toilet training and to most people that would be a "umm.. so?" kind of thing but after almost 3 years of nappy changes.. bring on the potty!!

I've always been an organised person but being organised with children takes a whole other way of thinking. My purse is packed with everything i'll need for the day, my kids (and my) clothes laid out & ready for the next day. Right down to making sure their favourite cereal bowls and spoons are out the night before.. and their shoes & socks are ready, unrolled, untied to be shoved on in a flurry with my keys sitting in the lock ready to get out the door in the morning. But i love it. I would have to say my kids will never know how much they have taught me. pre-kids i was a very impatient perfectionist and those 2 words just dont go with being a mother! Its all about waiting & being able to just let the little things go yet appreciate the little things at the same time.. Even something as unsanitary and gross as my daughter picking her nose with her thumb can make my day. An uninterrupted, warm shower is heaven to me now! let alone getting to moisturise! My most treasured growth from having children is learning how to have fun & care about the important things. It's fun pretending to be farm animals and making silly faces and making art out of glitter & glue.. you should try it!

Going out with the kids it tiring and nothing like what it used to be like when i would go out sans-kids. If we go out for lunch i will most likey end up eating someones left overs & drinking a cold cup of coffee but just seing my children having a good time is worth the energy, stress & effort it takes to go out.

PJS - 9 out of 10 days i get out of them but on those days where i just dont feel like getting out of them i dont and its as simple as that. I'll obviously shower but I might just slip into my trackies & a baggy shirt if I feel like it. theyre just so comfy..

ME TIME - I used to feel bad for taking time to myself, but now that i think about it, it helps me calm down and be a better, happier, fun mum which benefits the whole family & i'm teaching my children that taking care of yourself is important. I normally read a book, exercise or just have a cup of tea just to make myself feel like a human again. its hard to explain but when most of your day is about other people you sometimes dont feel like a person. It really is something you dont understand until you do it.

I sometimes think the challenges of being a stay at home mother are over looked because mothers dont want to look like theyre complaining or that they dont enjoy staying at home.. but just like any other job there are challenges

REPITITION - sometimes ill be doing something and think "hang on, i was doing this yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that.." but thats just the nature of staying at home i guess. kids will always need to eat 3 times a day plus snacks so of course you're always going to have dishes to wash. kids are just made to make messes so of course you're going to have to pack up toys, books & arts & craft pieces over and over again. Kids are grubby & dirty so theres no suprise if you're doing your 4th load of washing for the week and its only wednesday.

LONLINESS - even though im never alone (i have a 2 year old who follows me almost everywhere) it does get lonely when you dont have other adults to talk to during the day. My kids are great & interesting people but as for conversationalists, theres only so much they can talk about (obviously!). So sometimes I just feel like i dont really have anyone to talk to. Its nice when me and my husband actually get the rare occasion of just sitting and talking and also the rare occasion that i'll organise a get together with my fellow stay at home mothers and we'll get to talk whilst watching the kids play at the park or something. Its harder than it sounds to get 2 mothers out.

EMOTIONS - when you dont have anyone to share your feelings with they either get repressed and forgotten or build up & explode. Staying at home with children can be frustrating when they dont want to eat their lunch, they dont want to cooperate, they dont want to say sorry or play nicely, the toy they want to play with doesnt have the right batteries, when one child wants to play rock band and the other child wants to play libraries.. ITS TOUGH! I think being a mother really teaches you how to control your emotions & show your emotions in a healthy manner. of course there have been times where i have just lost it but in the end it really is about just getting back up and getting on with it, really.

and on that note i must share with you my life, my joy, my purpose, my personal comedians, my educators, my endless supply of cuddles, hugs & kisses, my angels xx